If you want to be chosen; choose yourself first
Choosing myself first has been my longest journey in life so far.
As of only a few weeks ago I finally get it.
Choosing yourself first goes against the grain of everything taught to us by society, our parents, our teachers, our mentors and anyone else we generally learn about ‘being a good person’ from.
Following the death door the eclipse gave me, I discovered that I had never truly chosen myself first at any point in my life.
How could a confident, intelligent and powerful woman like myself never have chosen herself?
The digging began.
It was deep, dark and dirty.
Relentlessly, with commitment and conviction I set to clearing this situation once and for all.
Eventually, when I returned from the depths of myself, I took to my journal.
The final ‘purge’ before I could start the rebuild of my psyche in this area.
What came out of it was a fierceness within myself that I hadn’t connected with for a very long time.
It was (and is) needed.
This powerhouse of a woman has to stay!
She chooses herself (and her daughter) first.
And she stays in her lane kicking HER GOALS no matter what.
It wasn’t easy to get to this place.
It took determination, courage and a willingness to shed every belief she had if necessary.
Sooo, in the interest of staying in unwavering integrity, sovereignty and commitment to choosing myself first - I’m sharing some journal excerpts which were pivotal to my healing (only edited for anonymity of those referred to):
“What if they aren’t my highest vibration?
They were never meant to be - they were supposed to be a ‘stepping stone’ not the end destination.
Except there’s more there than expected.
Thing is - they can’t run from their destiny.
I am in their destiny and until they entreat with me properly they can't move forward in full truth and integrity.
Once the re-alignment and 'uplevel' happens things will settle down and level out.
How do I feel about this change in timeline?
Upset but it's for the best.
The time for showing up in my vulnerability with them is over.
It’s time to stand in my Full Power, no matter what.
Set my boundaries;
Honour my and Shaliah's needs;
Focus on our thriving life;
Stop being scared of throwing the fuck you their way.
They think they don't deserve it.
However, when I go through it in detail with them, they comprehend.
I call all of my power back to me now.
I am whole.
I am complete.
I own my sovereignty.
I can only meet and entreat with people who are in alignment and integrity in their dealings with me.
People who stay open to me;
listen to all I'm saying;
hear me as I intend it to be heard.
I am worthy and deserving of having love and friendships in my life and relationships that: empower me;
allow me to be all of who I am unapologetically.
I grant myself the permission and courage to stay in my full power, all of my fullness in all areas and to stay in commitment to my soul work and unapologetically reach and strive for my dreams every single day.
I make decisions that support me first.
I put myself first no matter what...
I reserve the right to my discernment [regarding people] on my own terms only.
Anything that doesn't feel good has to go.
I purge my life and my spaces of all things and people that aren't feeling good to me.
I make space for what my Soul holds in my highest and best for me.
I trust that the Universe and my Soul are supporting me and guiding me in the right direction for my highest and best most potent timeline.
I trust myself and my choices and free myself from having to operate in any form of co-dependency.
I have the choice of letting people help me and use discernment when I am choosing who I allow into my life to help me.
I accept help when I need it from aligned helpers at the right time.
My boundaries set up the structure for my thriving life.
I hold my world in Love and let Life come to me."
If this post resonated with you please let me know in the comments.
I'd love to hear your take on what choosing yourself first looks, feels and/or plays out like in your life.
And, of course, if you have questions or a follow-on topic you'd like my take on I'd love to hear from you about that also!
PS. If this resonated with you because you're currently journeying with choosing yourself first and desire to go deeper (or would like to start your journey) send me a message via my contact page or email & let’s see if we’re a great fit to journey this work together.