Dancing with Earth & Soul ~Part Two

I have butterflies.
I am nervous.
My anxiety threatens to shut me down again.
I decide to ‘play it cool’ and raise my right arm in a wave to acknowledge him.
The gap closes between us and he’s reaching for me.
He says, “You snuck in.”
“I didn’t know you were performing here.”
We embrace in a deep hug and move our hips together to the music.
I bury my face in his chest.
His arms envelope me and I feel safe, like this is where I belong.
We are holding each other as tightly as possible.
Pushing ourselves into one another.
His heart is beating into me and he has placed his head onto mine.
I wish I could stay here forever.
Somehow the embrace ends.
I don’t know how long we were there for.
I want more.
Always more of him.
I can somehow never get enough.
We smile at each other and merge back in with the other dancers on the floor.
What just happened?
Wasn’t it only yesterday I fucked it all up?
 
Soul tells me to stop, “You are here for your own medicine and experience.”
I decide she’s right and take some deep breaths to reconnect to myself.
I walk to a new section of floor.
I close my eyes.
I feel the music.
My body responds and starts moving again.
The facilitator of the night says it’s a safe space and clothing is optional.
This piques my interest as my pants are starting to feel too hot.
I’d like to take my pants off…
I’m not ready just yet, so I keep dancing.
There’ll be plenty of time for that.
The dance nourishes and supports me, like my oldest, dearest friend.
My shakti is rising and re-activating all the parts of my being that have been in shut down or collapse since yesterday.
I feel my highest essences coming back to me.
I am on fire!
The energy is really flowing and moving now.
The energy for the group is rising.
People are starting to interact with each other more.
People are dancing together.
A woman comes up to me and we start dancing together.
This is fun!
She tells me that she likes my move.
I ask which one and demonstrate a few.
“Yes, that one!” she says, so I do more variations of it for her.
We laugh and smile at each other and enjoy the dance.
Other people start to come up to us.
We all start to dance together.
From time to time we move around the floor and the groups of dancers change.
The energy is flowing and we’re all in the group’s vortex, as well as our own.
 
I am alive!
I am free!
I am worthy!
I am deserving!
I am Goddess!
I claim my space.
I belong.
I matter.
I am loved.
I am love.
I am sovereign.
I own my truth.
I trust myself.
I am aligned.
I am…. Thirsty(?)!
 
I look around and see a lit up doorway.
I make my way over to it.
As I am walking over, the earthangel asks me if I’m ok.
I tell her I’m thirsty and I forgot my water bottle.
She leads me through the doorway to the kitchen and gives me a cup.
She tells me, “the water is pretty good here”.
“Can I keep this cup – leave it here by the microwave to reuse it?”
She says it’s not a problem.
I stand at the sink and fill my cup.
The earthangel leaves and I drink alone in the semi-dark, contemplating things and breathing.
I fill the cup again.
I can’t believe I forgot my water bottle!
I even filled it up and left it on the table ready to grab before I left.
Then I remembered – the house was chaos when I left.
My mother yelled at me she thought I’d left already.
My male flat mate was running around doing stuff.
My daughter was screaming.
My other (female) flat mate was making dinner while her daughter attempted to play with my daughter.
She helped me to get my shoes on, oh how grateful I am for that!
I was impatient to leave.
There was too much chaos killing my vibe and I was going to be sooo late!
I had basically screamed ‘bye!’ and run out the door.
Anxiety was threatening to stop me from being able to leave.
And soul had told me I HAD to attend, no matter what – even if you’re an hour late.
She’d said, “You’ll arrive at just the right moment you are supposed to and will experience everything you need to.”
Of course, she was right.
 
I’m finally finished with the water now.
I am hot.
Might as well take my pants off then!
I walk over to where my shoes and belt are.
I take a few deep breaths.
I decide ‘it’s now or never!
And I take my pants off, crouch down, fold them up
and put them under my belt next to my shoes.
Oooohhh that feels better!
I am nervous about my body again.
I’ve never danced in public in my underwear before!
And never at this size.
I take another deep breath.
And another.
Another.
Can I really do this?
Soul steps in “What have you go to lose – really?!”
She has a point.
One more deep breath…
OK, here goes!
And I’m walking with as much purpose and confidence as I can muster over to the left hand side of the stage near the speaker and the fan.
There are some other women dancing in their underwear already,
So I’m going to ‘mingle’ with them…

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