Dancing with Earth & Soul ~Part One

I have arrived.
The place is shut but I can hear music.
I step into the room and it is dark.
I can see lights and a circle of people sitting.
I wonder “how am I going to fit into this group?”
I look to the right and see bags and shoes and other items placed in the corner.
I look back to the group.
I am timid but as I slowly walk over, not knowing what I should do an earthangel in a beautiful lacy black dress appears.
I apologise to her for being so late and she simply says “I’ll get you a cup” and gifts me so much love.
I ask her should I take my shoes off.
She consents.
So I walk over and place my shoes with the assortment of other items in the corner.
I walk back to the group, to the gap I noticed just before and ask the person to my right if it’s ok for me to sit.
She lovingly acquiesces.
I awkwardly sit down, as I have been feeling upset about my body and tonight I am trying to invoke my highest goddess by wearing a bustier and pants – exposing my post-baby stomach.
When I sit cross-legged, which is most comfortable, my stomach turns into what
I deem to be ‘undesirable rolls’ which make me feel unworthy of being here.
So I change position to legs crossed out to the side.
That’s better – this position is also comfortable.
The earthangel returns with my sacred cacao medicine and explains the process for drinking it to me.
I listen as best as I can without interruption, because I have received sacred cacao medicine and ceremony before and know how it’s done.
But I don’t want to act like an ungrateful bitch.
So I listen as attentively as I can while doing my best to send love and gratitude to her.
Because this is what I feel in this moment.
 
I take the cup and hold it to my nose so I can breathe its aroma in deeply.
Oh! I remember you – old friend.
As I breathe in the aroma, and listen to the music and beats in the performance going on in the middle of the circle, my soul drops in forcefully.
I take my first sip.
Immediately my heart is activated and I drop further.
The music and beats start to move me.
I need to finish this cup – I need to move my body.
I notice that the lady next to me has half her cup left to drink.
My ego kicks in and I start to judge…
My soul steps in and I stop.
Everyone here deserves to experience their own journey and receive at their own pace.
I remove my judgment and send love and energy to the whole group instead.
The vortex of the group swirls in front of me.
I start to sway and weave.
My body undulates and my hands find their place above my head.
Weaving and transfiguring energy for the group.
I am activated.
I am free.
I am in soul-state bliss.
I am simultaneously receiving and serving.
This is where I needed to be. Thank you soul for pushing me to come, even though I was late. Even though I had body image issues. Even though I don’t know anyone here.
 
Then I see him.
Really see him.
He is part of the performance – who knew?!
Yes, I noticed he was in circle when I walked in.
But now I see him anew.
He is there to embody the primal, animalistic aspect.
That’s part of what tonight is about – releasing our inner animal guides and committing to whatever journey that brings.
I become nervous to look.
I don’t want to fixate on him. Why am I so hyper aware of him and his energy?
I turn to the other male in the group.
If I focus on him instead I’ll be safe. Maybe he won’t notice my energetic intrusion.
It doesn’t work.
Ok. I can do this. Just pretend.
Soul tells me, “Everything is ok. Surrender and trust. Your fields are open to each other but not shattered anymore. You are safe to be here in all your fullness – physically, energetically and beyond.”
I am grateful for this message, but still anxious.
I turn my body so on the surface it appears I am focused on the ‘other guy’.
I am still hyper-aware of him.
But I ‘fake it’ and do my best to relax into the medicine of the sounds moving through me.
No, I have not stopped moving this whole time.
But now it is a little bit forced.
The men are ‘coming alive’ now.
I’d love to be in a performance like this one day!
I am so drawn to him.
It takes all my willpower to focus on the ‘other guy’ instead.
Just close your eyes and feel the music.
I close my eyes and breath.
My body is still swaying and my arms are still weaving, just a lot slower and lower now.
I decided to open my eyes and watch again.
I can do it! I can sit with these feelings and still be here. I am a master energy weaver.
Watching.
Swirling.
Dare a glance at him.
Repeat.
Watching.
Swirling.
Dare a glance at him.
Repeat.
 
Suddenly people are breaking out of the cycle and starting to express themselves through movement.
When were we told we could join in?
I’m a little perplexed.
I mean, I knew at some point we would all join in.
I just thought we would have received more guidance on the timing.
Soul says, “Stop it! You are here for your medicine, no one else’s. There is no separation here and you are still worthy to be here.”
She’s always right.
She always knows what I need to do.
She calls me out lovingly when I am hit with doubt, anxiety, judgment etc – like just now.
I needed the reminder.
Then it hits me – “I’m free to take up space in this room! I’m free to use the whole floor now!”
My channel clears and my flow amplifies.
Joy, love, excitement and passion rush into me.
There’s no stopping me now.
I’m in my soul-state ‘dance flow’.
Every individual sound moves me.
My body comes alive in remembrance of the dancer I used to be.
The dancer that hasn’t seen the light of day for many years.
I stand up and my hips start.
Then my arms.
Then my feet.
I spin.
I twirl.
I isolate.
I pop.
I undulate.
I shimmy.
I ‘shake what my mama gave me’… and then some.
The shut down of yesterday starts to release and I realise I’M BACK BABY!
I am the dancer I have always been and will always be.
My soul is fully earthed in my body and there’s no other place in the world I could be tonight.
Of course, she’d already declared that to make sure I showed up here.
I close my eyes and my body elongates and starts undulating once more.
My hands find themselves weaving above my head.
I am clear, bright and free.
I am pure Bliss.
I could stay in this moment forever.
Something causes me to open my eyes.
He is watching me from a few paces away not moving.

2 comments

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